Ode to the Campus Bikers

A few days ago I sat with my friends in University Park, waiting for the solar eclipse to (somewhat) knock my socks off, when all of a sudden there they were. We all know them. That group of middle school kids that ride around campus on their bikes, acting all tough with their wheelies. 

I actually never know if it’s the same group of boys. I also don’t know their age. I do know that I wish I could do a wheelie on my bike. Regardless, I have confined them to a stereotype of being awkward middle school boys who think that it’s all about them (even though it lowkey is, they are technically campus celebrities at this point).

I feel bad though. I know I wouldn’t want people to just stereotype me as the cool and awesome person I am, so to make myself feel better I have decided that I would characterize these individuals. I’ll give three. Yes, I know there are typically more than three, but I am only invested in three life stories. The rest are irrelevant (oops).

Our first boy is shorter than most of his friends and has swoopy hair like those muffin-top boys you see on TikTok. He also strictly wears slides when riding his bike, but against his mother’s wishes because it’s “too dangerous to wear sandals when riding a bike.” She also doesn’t use the trendy term of “slides” to describe his footwear. This angers him, to which he probably yells (but shrieks with a voice crack because he is still maturing) “BUT MOM THEY’RE COOL.” Of course, they need to be cool; he is the coolest of the group (to middle school standards). This makes up for the lack of height. He will probably major in business someday because it’s a “bro” major. 

Our second boy is a little different. Taller than swoopy hair, but himself rocks a buzzcut. He also wears all one color. He thinks its him “matching,” but actually it looks like he only shops for blue or red articles of clothing from Nike. But in reality he doesn’t have time to focus on his style. He’s too busy being a mama’s boy. He typically has to remind swoopy and his friends that they need to get back to their houses in time to do homework and eat dinner. He’s definitely the rational mind of the group, sends homework answers, and watches sad romance movies with his family (and cries watching them).

Boy number three is just a little guy: the innocent one of the whole crew, but likes to feel involved. He might not always understand what’s going on, but he just goes along with stuff anyways. He laughs at the jokes that others make, even if he doesn’t know what they are about. He tends to go on his phone a lot and seem like he’s not paying attention, but he’s really going on Urban Dictionary because there are a lot of words and phrases that he doesn’t know. He always regrets searching. 

Did I just describe these individuals as best as I could to Alvin, Simon, and Theodore? Yeah, I did. Hopefully that gives a better idea.

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