Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore Review

So much is going on in Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, yet so little actually happens.

This is the third installment of JK Rowling’s prequel series to Harry Potter, and Rowling once again flaunts her talent for making the story appear as if so much is happening by introducing you to so many characters, taking you to so many different places, and offhandedly mentioning so much in-world mythology. However, the dizziness of the story beats are just an extremely effective distraction from the complete absence of a progressing plot. 

Her strategy is almost admirable. 

Almost

It’s genuinely difficult to recognize it because these movies constantly feel so busy, but honestly, at the end of this movie our characters are functionally in the exact same place they were at the start of the previous film, The Crimes of Grindelwald. A remarkable achievement, considering there’s more than four and a half hours of material between the two movies.

When every mission, every conflict, every threat, and every motivation established in one movie is contained within that one movie and almost nothing is permitted to carry over, a meaningful and cohesive overarching narrative becomes impossible to achieve. That’s what these movies are missing, and it’s this lack of continuity that has destroyed them.   

We’re almost certain to get a Fantastic Beasts 4 at some point, right? If it hasn’t been confirmed already, and based on what I have just watched, there is nothing left to look forward to for the future of this franchise. I imagine we’ll just continue spinning round and round the same plot points and character arcs. 

You wanna know the kicker, though?! The Secrets of Dumbledore is the best one! Isn’t that hilarious? The film is void of almost every single commendable quality from the original Harry Potter that gave JK Rowling her reverence as a story-teller, but I enjoyed it more than the first two. Unironically!

I’m sure someone made a word for this, a term that perfectly describes this movie. Someone help me out. Patetik? Pathettuce? Pathletic?

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