I feel like I’m being pranked.
I feel like, any minute now, somebody’s going to jump out, surprise me, and say, “Gotcha! Now, here’s the real Halloween Ends.”
And I’d say, “Oh, thank Christ!” before sobbing with relief.
But, alas, this is not a joke. This is not a drill. This is not a dream. Halloween has truly ended. And I still feel like sobbing.
It’s hard to overstate how much of Halloween Ends, the final leg of David Gordon Green’s (he/him) Halloween “requel” trilogy, feels like it’s just killing time. It’s clear that the filmmakers planned how this finale would end and the mission of nearly the entire script was to waste enough time with enough nonsense to occupy an entire feature and reach that ending.
The movie is primarily steered by the story of a new character named Corey (Rohan Campbell- he/him). After remaining inactive for four years after the events of Halloween Kills, Michael Myers re-emerges to transfer his evil nature into Corey, sort of electing him as his heir.
How did Michael do this? Why did Michael do this? Why is this idea only being introduced now? Why is this grand finale helmed by a boring, brand-new character while established figures like Jamie Lee Curtis’ (she/her) Laurie Strode and even Michael Myers are relegated to the sidelines?
Whatever. There are no answers. I hate this movie. And I can already envision how some people are going to defend it:
“But it’s doing something new!”
“But it’s so unlike the other movies!”
“But it’s so unpredictable!”
Don’t give me that. There’s a line between an entry in a film franchise being boldly unpredictable compared to the other films… and being recklessly incompatible with the other films. This “unpredictable = good” mentality is so obnoxious to me.
Unpredictability is cheap. Thematic integrity is the only thing that’s worth anything.
So, congratulations, Halloween Ends. You are super-duper friggin’ unpredictable. But in a way that renders this trilogy totally thematically incohesive at a level that a 350-word review cannot begin to do justice. And, sure — maybe this won’t matter to casual viewers. But, even if you’re watching as an outsider to the dedicated Halloween fandom, the fact remains that this movie is dull and utterly joyless.