When You’re Not 100% That B*tch: A 100 Word Rant

I just took a DNA test and it turns out I’m 100% NOT that b*tch. I’m only 53% that b*tch. What is that supposed to mean? Am I only a slightly above average b*tch? Have I only slightly been putting the sing in single? To be honest, I’m shocked. Why did my best friend sit me down in the salon chair to get this shampoo press? I just took photos with the bomb lighting for my Instagram, too… Ugh, I’ll hit you back in a minute; I just thought I was it. The truth really does hurt. 


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Halloween Ends Review

I feel like I’m being pranked.  I feel like, any minute now, somebody’s going to jump out, surprise me, and say, “Gotcha! Now, here’s the real Halloween Ends.”  And I’d say, “Oh, thank Christ!” before sobbing with relief. But, alas, this is not a joke. This is not a drill. This is not a dream. […]