God Called, and He Told Us to Chill

I’ve never been great at small talk, but I’m going to give it a try: Some weather we’ve been having, huh?

First, a 4.8 magnitude earthquake shook New England last Friday morning. Then on Monday, a total solar eclipse passed over the region, the last we’ll see (unless you forgot your eclipse glassesprotect your retinas!) for another 20 years. In response to these freak events (or not so freaky, if you paid attention in middle school science), Representative Marjorie Taylor-Greene (R-GA) posted on her X account “God is sending America strong signs to tell us to repent. Earthquakes and eclipses and many more things to come. I pray that our country listens.” Naturally, she received some pretty harsh criticism. But does she have… a point?
Don’t stop reading yet! All I’m saying is, if we were in ancient Rome or the Mayan Empire, we would take this as a sign to do some societal reevaluation. I’m not suggesting anything drastic: maybe a few sacrifices, establish a new holy feast day, and we’re good! I’m usually not a particularly superstitious person, but I think it’s time to take the hint.
Honestly, I think this is a sign we need to slooooow down. Way down. We as a nation are simply Doing Too Much. I’m not sure about you all, but I’m tired. Consumerism and hustle culture have convinced us that we always need to be moving on to the next new fad. But why can’t we stop and appreciate some of the little things for once? Gaze at the clouds, smell the daffodils, etc. Maybe even cancel a few finals to fit in a few more Thoreauvian activities (that one’s for the English majors).
Now you may ask, who am I to pronounce the will of God? I figure I have just about as much authority as the next person, certainly as much as Representative Taylor-Greene. And hey, did you know the Oracle of Delphi had all of those “visions” because she was breathing in toxic fumes from a fissure in the earth 24/7? She was about as authoritative on universal truths as a philosophy undergrad, four White Claws in, at an illicit dorm party (which never happen of course, because this is a dry campus). I feel the need to mention that this comment is not throwing shade at anyone specific, since our small but mighty philosophy department is only around 40-50 majors. (Also, do you really think I’m cool enough to be invited to parties? Also also, I’m not sure anyone is even reading this). Basically, what I’m saying is, why shouldn’t I get a crack at it?
Plus, it cannot be a coincidence that on the VERY SAME weekend that the earthquake struck, right before the eclipse, I was stricken with norovirus and fell devastatingly ill. Am I overreacting by taking this as a bad omen in my personal life and projecting it onto everyone else? No. Clearly this is divine providence.
Is this article the mad ravings of my vomit-induced insomnia (editor’s note to herself: this is maybe the grossest phrase ever written)? That’s for you to decide. Is it also mildly sacrilegious? Almost definitely. But we have this beautiful constitutional right called freedom of the press. Also I checked with Him and He told me it was funny, so trust me, it’s fine.
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