Zombies at Bridgwater? More likely than you’d think. (Foolish Edition)
When the students of Bridgewater State University woke up last week little did they know a case of food poisoning would change their lives forever.
It was just like any other day on campus. Tired students dragging themselves to class first thing in the morning. With large hordes of students moving from east campus to west trying not to be late for class.
A small food truck had set up shop in University Park. The sign read “Cookies to Die for”. The students were thrilled as the cookies were only a dollar and thirteen cents. Within the hour the truck was all sold out and drove off.
Slowly the students who’d had these lovely cookies started to feel exhausted. Their heads were getting massive migraines. Their complaints began to grow “My brain, oh my brain!!!” Their lethargy grew until all that was coming out was “brains, brains”
As they reached the underpass it sounded as if 100s of students were chanting and slowly walking together as if one entity. A professor walking out of DMF saw them and screamed “Zombies!”.
Those who heard the scream came to look and became equally frightened of the hobbling students. A panic ensued with any professors or students who saw the horde running as far as they could. One student ran yelling “If zombies don’t count as an excused absence, I don’t know what does!”.
When the horde of students finally made it to their classes they were surprised to see the vacant buildings. A few left quickly at the sight, wanting to sleep off their migraine. Some snuck free food from the empty dining halls thinking a good meal would make them feel better. Others sat and waited, checking Blackboard to see if they missed a cancellation notice.
When authorities came to check on the “zombified” students all they found were many empty ibuprofen bottles and all the students napping away their pounding heads.
