A Completely Accurate and True March Madness Recap (Foolish Edition)

Well if there’s one thing I know about March Madness it’s that it’s definitely about basketball, a sport I know a ton about. I understand that sports nowadays are just immersive theater for straight men, but this year’s basketball competition was a little overboard! After a quick bop to the top of the bracket, Mouhamed Dioubate had quickly fallen from grace. As far as I am aware, Dioubate of Alabama’s Crimson Tide is the only #10 in a red jersey who has a passion for performance and sports. And I understand that if Dioubate is feeling conflicted between the court and the stage, but was stopping the play for an emotional interlude really necessary? Personally, as a person who loves sports and finds them super interesting to watch, this interruption to the gameplay as completely unprofessional! Not to mention, this internal conflict was really messing with his game.

After a while they called a time out and did a choreographed dance with basketballs? First of all, the squeaking of their sneakers was NOT what I was looking for. And second of all, I thought that all his team members thought that the singing thing was lame and then they all participated in a dance that definitely took weeks of rehearsal to learn? Like, make up your mind do you think singing is cool or not? Either way, they seemed to really get their head in the game afterwards and started scoring.

Then – get this – some girl in the crowd just needed to make it about her and started singing to number #10 in the middle of a play. I was kind of annoyed because this game was super important and distracting the players is seriously problematic! But then, it was like a miracle, #10 saw her in the crowd and got super inspired! It was like her voice broke him free from the chains of socially constructed hobby hierarchies. He played the rest of the game like his life depended on it! He definitely gave his team a super inspiring speech too but I couldn’t hear it from the stands… whatever he did, I’m sure he let them know that they were all in it together.

And that is the completely factually accurate way that Alabama won the Sweet Sixteen game and are headed to the Elite Eight for the second time in the school’s history. Perhaps this is the just start of something new.

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