Ode to Maya Hawke

I recently stumbled across my “Ode to Valentine’s Day” from this time last year. Oh boy.

I genuinely laughed. No, not because I find myself funny, but because when you learn more about yourself, it makes looking back on your past-self that much more cringeworthy. I wrote in the Ode, “I’m literally the most non-girlfriend material.” No Nina. That’s not it. You’re just gay.

In all seriousness, it’s okay to let time and experience tell you who you are. Honestly, this is kinda freaking me out to write down and share with other people. I’m not ashamed, but it’s also not something I talk a lot about with people I’m not super close with.

Though I have always had speculations about my own sexuality, I was still unsure. I mean, seeing Maya Hawke (she/her) in Stranger Things really helped me get there, but that sort of thing takes time for anyone. I came out as bisexual to only a few people at the end of my senior year of high school and my parents shortly after graduation (my parents laughed lovingly and said “we know”). 

It wasn’t too hard to cover up, especially considering someone told me that their “gaydar” was super accurate and that there was no way I was anything but straight. That conversation is my Roman Empire, to be honest, especially considering I had just come out to another one of my friends the night before who overheard this conversation. (“Well, I guess I’ll take back what I said last night!”)

I think another aspect of this which can be scary/confusing/amazing is realizing that this can change over time. As strange as it is to talk about, I tried talking to people. I’ve met people that I try to avoid eye contact with and others who are genuinely great. It can be so frustrating meeting someone who you think is great, but the romantic connection isn’t there. 

It makes you question a lot about yourself and what might be wrong. I had to go through that the hard way, but it took meeting a specific person to realize where my preferences lie. Thanks girl!

Whether it’s Valentine’s Day or any other day of the year, remember to love who makes you happy and don’t feel like it’s wrong to love a certain person…except if they have an awful personality.

 

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