Ode to Internet Stalking

As I am sure you all can tell, writing is my thing. I’m majoring in public relations and minoring in writing studies, a pretty typical path for people interested in writing. Despite the track I’m on for my future career, I think it’s time I start re-evaluating my plans and take a deep dive into something that I consider myself to be gifted at.

I think I should be recruited by the CIA. Or the FBI. I’m not quite sure who I need to work for, as long as my job is finding people and learning everything about them. 

My internet-stalking skills are top-notch. I know what you must be thinking; I’m either lowkey crazy or I’m hyping myself up too much. But I know myself and what I bring to the table.

For instance, the other day I remembered one of my best friends from when I was little and wondered where he is at in life now. All I could remember was his first name and that he played soccer when he was 7 years old. 

In 10 minutes, I found his last name and his parents’ home addresses from the last three homes they moved from. Once I knew his last name, I tried to look him up on Instagram. Unfortunately, he either had a random username or he wasn’t a social media person. My whole plan seemed like it would be for nothing, but I still had hope.

In 20 minutes, I found the locations of all the gyms his dad owns. (PSA: If I had known they would turn out loaded like this, I would have made more of an effort to keep in touch.)

In 30 minutes, I found articles about his continuous accomplishments in soccer and that he was accepted into a soccer academy. One Instagram search later through the soccer academy, I found his account and felt great about the progress that I was able to make in such a short amount of time. 

All-in-all, I’d call myself an elite internet stalker. Although the more I think about it, stalker seems like an awkward title to hold. I’ll just call myself an exploratory internet searcher.


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