Ode to Valentine’s Day
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” they say.
Valentine’s Day is actually the worst. It’s the one day of the year during which people are obligated to get their partners something to show their love.
“Aw thanks hun-bun, I can finally replace those year-old flowers that we have in the kitchen!”.
The only people who actually enjoy Valentine’s Day are those obnoxious PDA couples that eat each other’s faces in the most inconvenient spots. Like, no one needs to watch you soul-suck right in front of the bathroom door. It’s weird.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m such a b**** about it because I’m lonely. Maybe I just need to put myself out there. What could go wrong?
But so much could go wrong!! I’m literally the most non-girlfriend material.
(I just girlboss so hard that I ruin it for myself.)
I know it’s an awful thought coming from a feminist, but it’s true. If someone offers to pay for me and won’t let me say “no”, I envision myself putting their credit card into a shredder. You’re going to take the road side on the sidewalk? I’d rather get hit by a car.
Seriously, I can’t explain why I won’t let myself accept nice gestures from people who are interested in me. I should probably talk to my therapist about that.
Since no one cared to ask about how my Valentine’s Day went, I decided that I would just tell you anyways because it appears I have no other creative outlet for my sorrow and misery.
There I was, alone on Valentine’s Day eating pity chocolates that my parents sent me in a care-package. I love how they know I’m suffering.
Unfortunately, classes were still a thing so I was forced to leave my dark chambers (my dorm). I contemplated carrying a thumbtack to pop any cheesy heart-shaped balloons that I saw, but then I decided against it. I would have probably placed it down somewhere and sat on it.
The only hope that I had for the day was that my class celebrity crush would confess his love to me. *Sigh*. It didn’t happen, obviously. I had “Ceilings” by Lizzy McAlpine on repeat for the rest of the day.
She makes me feel seen, fr.