Dear Reader (Foolish Edition)

For all you people at BSU, I wanted to dedicate this one for you. Not like you’d see it anyways. Do any of y’all even read the paper? 

I mean, I guess I’m not expecting you all to wake up at the ass crack of dawn just to read the paper with a cup of coffee, but you know, a little glance would be nice. Yeah, I said what I said. Contrary to popular belief, there is a lot of effort put into these papers that no one reads. Y’all have never seen a layout night, have you?

Boo boo boo tomato tomato, I’m sure you don’t care. You know what, if you don’t care, neither do I. I’m just going to now spend some time saying random stuff because I just need to fill up space. 

The only numbers of pi that I know are 3.14159265. When I get McDonald’s, I like to get a McChicken but not a crispy chicken sandwich. They are two very different sandwiches and I get pissed at myself whenever I order it wrong. When I was seven, I really got into the whole illuminati conspiracy for like a week because I got a dollar that someone had written on. I taught myself how to do a handstand on two separate occasions, ending each time after falling on my head. I’ve also sprained my ankle falling off a shopping cart at Walmart while shopping for Halloween decorations. Lol.

Full transparency I’m getting bored coming up with other random things, but hey, you were probably too bored to read anyways!

Oh wait, are you still actually reading? I wasn’t expecting someone to make it this far. That’s awesome, but why? What makes you different from the rest? Could it be… someone who actually likes to read? Or maybe you like writing or editing too (do you see where this is going?).

Oh my God, you totally should come write for us (you have no choice)! We have meetings every Thursday so you should stop by (I will literally find you and steal your credit card information if you don’t). We are always open to new writers (don’t ask where the old ones went, they sometimes disappear idk how) and we would love to have you (love is a stretch, take that with a grain of salt). 

So, loyal reader, if you stuck around this long, consider yourself an honorary member! It’s a title held by very few people if you couldn’t tell!


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